Sunday, October 31, 2004

Probably it serves me right.

I sit in the living room, where peripherally I can see the tree through the front window. The wind catches her cape periodically -- causing just enough motion for me to wonder who's out there. Posted by Hello

those others haven't hatched yet ...

where babies come from Posted by Hello

Friday, October 29, 2004

it's the little things.

When so many baby washcloths are stuffed in the high-chair basket that I can't pull one out without half the stack falling out onto the floor, IT'S TOO MANY.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Jacqui with Stupina at the Maryland Renaissance Festival Posted by Hello

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

There was no label this time with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she put it to her lips.

A week ago, an experiment failed spectacularly. I had given Jacqui a sweet-potato smoothie (sweet potato mixed with expressed milk) in an Avent spill-proof sippy cup the day before and she loved it ... the next day, she thought I was insane and making that up. She'd have nothing to do with it, unless she could chew through the cup to get at its contents. She and I both got frustrated beyond measure and I ended up throwing the cup with great force into the kitchen cabinetry. (It made a satisfying "thunk", but those Avent people don't lie -- it didn't spill.)

Tonight, I warmed some milk in a lower tech cup, purchased from Ikea. This cup practically begs you to hold it upside down, fling it about with great abandon, and dash it to the floor melodramatically in order to rain its contents generously all over the kitchen. In short, it is not spill-proof.

She loved it.

She and the kitchen both wore equal amounts of milk, but at least a third of it went into her baby-bird mouth. And she was so happy! And she grabbed for the cup and said "Go into my mouth!" and it did! It took some finagling; since nothing regulates the flow of liquid, it pours faster than she was expecting. Geoff and I took turns helping her drink with it, and lo, there was happiness.


Yesterday the three humans in my house received flu vaccines. Despite the general shortage, our pediatrician's office has enough for children in the high-risk range as well as their parents, grandparents, and in some cases great-grandparents.

I haven't had a flu shot since early elementary school. I expected it to feel like a tetanus shot -- painful, with a swollen injection-site, achey bones, and general malaise. I know, it's no longer live vaccine -- so I'm sure it's news to no one that the experience was nothing like that. The nurse was finished giving the shot before I even knew she'd stuck me. Aside from a little soreness in that arm that lasted til this afternoon, there were no side effects.

Geoff didn't faint! Jacqui didn't cry!

All in all, it was quite a pleasant experience, as far as getting shot goes.

countertop jungle Posted by Hello

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

month seven

She's in the second week of her seventh month, she has two teeth, she eats two solid meals each day in addition to nursing, she often sleeps through the night. She loves the puppies, she loves morning, she loves her daddy! She watches. She smiles often, laughs frequently, cries when she needs to.

She's my heartbeat.

She rolls over and over to travel across the floor; today she discovered she can push herself backwards on her hands and knees. She doesn't crawl forward yet, but she can go anywhere if she wants.

She loves the baby in the mirror! Today she found the edges of the mirror, and wondered where the baby went when she traveled out of view.

She's eaten bananas, apples, sweet potatoes and carrots. So far, carrots are the clear winner. Not only do they inspire a happy-baby dance between bites, but also they make the most exciting diapers. Oh, the diapers!

She's fascinated by singers and musicians and by large groups of people. She loves to be held by just about everyone, as long as mommy's not too far away for too long.

She's my darling girl. Words can never capture the light in her eyes.

Monday, October 25, 2004


Sparkly! Posted by Hello

Thursday, October 21, 2004

me to Geoff: I just received a system message about a diaper event. Posted by Hello

taking a dim view

nothing says "romance" like 100% plastic. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

staying home

When I was pregnant with Jacqui, I knew that I wanted to stay home with her for at least her first year of life. I went through an awful lot to get her here -- maybe one day I'll talk about Viviana in here, but anyone reading this is probably a friend and knows already -- and I wasn't going through all that in order to let someone else raise my baby.

Jacqui was very planned-for; that makes a huge difference. We knew that if we were careful, we could afford for me to stay home with her. Now she's seven months old and I'm still not making plans to go back to work. I'm loving the mommy-job, Jacqui is thriving; why mess with a good thing?

We talked about this briefly with Jacqui's pediatrician. She also chose to stay home when she had young children. Let me rephrase that: she stopped being a doctor to stay home and raise children. When she told her office of her decision, they didn't believe her. They took bets to see how soon she'd give in and come back to work -- they gave her 3 weeks, tops. She stayed home full-time for 4 years and now only works during the day until her kids get home from school.

She believes it's a parent's responsibility to raise a child. Phrased that way, how can I disagree? It goes back to that top paragraph: she's here because we caused her to be. What I want to do really doesn't matter anymore, unless what I want coincides with what's best for Jacqui.

It's a shift in priorities. We need to pay our mortgage and other bills. We need to eat. We need to take care of a baby and two dogs. Do we need toys for ourselves? Do we need to eat out? Do we need to go out to play with friends? (Well, we never really did that anyway. But if we did, we wouldn't be anymore.)

Jacqui is everything right now. I'm okay with that.

kafka's nursery

the jury Posted by Hello

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

o joy! o bliss!

Yes, it's true. I had both a shower AND a bath today.

When you've got a seven month-old who has just cut her first tooth and is in the beginning stages of separation-anxiety, bathing yourself can only happen with an accomplice.

This morning, my wonderful Geoffrey took care of a SqueakyBird while I showered. Then he went off to work where he did worky-things, and I stayed home and entertained a teething don't-put-me-down-or-I'll-scream baby. I was able to put her down mid-afternoon though, because that was when she ate an entire jar of pureed bananas -- and I didn't have to warm it! This never happens. She was so excited; she did a happy dance between spoonfuls. If I'd had a third arm I'd've videotaped it.

When Geoff got home, we fed her dinner (yes, a second solid meal -- I'm hoping she'll sleep through the night because of it. Cross your fingers.) and then gave her a bath. She's gotten more and more comfortable playing in the bathtub while sitting in front of me or on my lap, and tonight she kicked and splashed and had a wonderful time. There was a scary moment when she got water in her face, and she took a few minutes to decide that it was still okay to have fun in the tub, but then she went back to kicking and splashing.

And then! Then, Geoff took her for the 3 D's (drying off, diapering, dressing) and I stayed in the bathtub. And I shaved my legs.

And afterward, I applied lotion.

Now I am in satiny-smooth, honey-scented heaven.

Monday, October 18, 2004

on the wall

mirror mirror Posted by Hello

Friday, October 15, 2004


I know why the caged SqueakyBird sings ... Posted by Hello

Thursday, October 14, 2004

what tree is this?

verbanum? Posted by Hello

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

everything gets better.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


Tonight I used a swiffer mop on my kitchen floor, which had not been mopped since 2002. (Hey, a lot's been going on. We don't *eat* off it.) It took three swiffer cloths, which means that we got three times the perfume (why do they have to scent these so heavily?), and there were no hints on the packaging to tell us how to make it not suck. Even so, now that it's over, I'm not unhappy with the results -- my floor is shiny again. :)


The SqueakyBird, tuckered. Posted by Hello

Thursday, October 07, 2004

She cut her first tooth last night!