Saturday, April 24, 2004

the dream.

I had two children, both girls. One was just old enough to walk steadily; the other was just young enough to still be unsteady. The beginning part of the dream focused on them; the dream-camera followed them as they played. Then I was a participant; I kneeled down, and the younger child ran to me and threw her arms around me. I was amazed and enthralled, and I looked at Geoff to see if he'd witnessed this feat.

Then we were in our bedroom as it currently is, and Jacqui was asleep in her crib. And Geoff was sitting on the bed next to me, and I said to him, "Where is Vivi?" And he looked at me, and his face was blank. And I repeated it: "Where is Vivi?! We had another daughter, and we named her Vivi!!" And I was crying and hysterical, and I started throwing the pillows and blankets on the floor, as if maybe she'd gotten caught under them as we slept.

And then I woke up and told Geoff the dream, and cried.

And I wonder when I'll stop processing this, and just accept it.

Friday, April 23, 2004

a nearly perfect day

Jacqui woke up for her 3am feeding and never really went back to sleep. At 4:30 Geoff got up to help me with her, and all three of us stayed awake after that. But she calmed down around 6, and from 9 til almost 11 she was happy to lay in her crib and watch the shadows while I caught up online and showered and stuff.

And then we had an adventure!!

Geoff drove us to the metro, and she slept the whole way to Union Station -- including the transfer at Metro Center. And she slept while I found the Vital Records Office, and she didn't wake up until we were back at Union Station where I found a baby-changing station to divest her of her wet diaper.

That was ..... 1:30ish? 2pm? That's when she realized she was hungry. She screamed the whole way over to the Thunder Grill, where the kind hostess sat us in a booth in the back so I could nurse her while I ate. As soon as we were settled, she was SO happy.

My waiter was wonderful, and refilled my water and iced tea about 6 times, and brought me bread to go with my happy salad (it had clementine slices in it!), and as I ate one-handed, Jacqui sat on my left leg and just gazed around everywhere. And then she sat on my right leg as I ate dessert left-handed. She was just so quiet and happy and enthralled with everything ... I can't help gushing; I'm just in love.

Then it was nearly 3:30, and we had to leave so that I'd be home in time for her next feeding .... but as soon as we left the restaurant she started crying. So we headed back over to that same ladies room in the Amtrak area, but this time there was a LINE for the baby station! Twenty minutes later, she was much more comfortable and happy again.

That's what caused the adventure to end on a less than happy note. Because of that delay, she got hungry while we were on the metro ... so she cried the whole way home. :( The trains were full of commuters, and I'm sorry to offend any regular metro riders, but commuters are RUDE. No one would let me sit down, so nursing her was just not an option. I almost didn't make it onto the orange line train when I went to transfer, because of people shoving in front of me -- even when I was right there at the door to the train. And then again, everyone just sat there watching me try to comfort her as I stood next to her. No one offered me a seat; I was the entertainment.

However, once we got to Dunn Loring, a very nice older lady offered me a place to sit on a shaded bench to nurse while I waited for Geoffrey to come pick us up. And then Jacqui was happy again. :)

And now she's not-quite-asleep, propped up on the boppy pillow on my bed, while I type this.

She's the most wonderful girl EVER.

(And the rain waited til we were home and settled. If I'd seen a weather forecast I might not have even left the house today ... sometimes living in a self-imposed media blackout is a good thing.)

Friday, April 16, 2004

post-partum woman

Babies -r- Us man: "They've discontinued the Saratoga pattern ... we have it in the Clarion pattern, though."
Me: "That's ugly."
BrU man (amusedly helpless): "I really only have this one ... "
Me: "I am post-partum woman, and I *want* Saratoga. I don't WANT this one."
BrU man (not laughing, which gains him points): "I can give you the 800 number for Graco ..."
Me: (sigh) (looking at Geoff) "Do YOU have a problem with the ugly one?"
Geoff: "No ... we really need this tonight."
Me: "Okay fine. We'll take the ugly one."

So now we have an ugly baby swing. And that's all I know.

Monday, April 12, 2004


I look down at this child, sweetly nursing, and I am filled with a rush of emotion so intense I have to say the words out loud:

"Sweetiepie, you don't have to wrestle it into submission!!"