How to Amuse Medical Personnel

Method One

While your wife is delivering the baby and you are counting to ten during the "Push" cycles, get some or all of the numbers out of order. (Love my Geoffrey! :)

Method Two

After giving birth (which involves copious amounts of vomit, blood, and other bodily substances), while surgeons are repairing your own internal damage, belch. Be so surprised at this that you automatically exclaim, "Oh! Pardon me!" (It's all in the timing.)

Method Three

After bringing the baby home, notice that her bowel movements have achieved a color VERY similar to canned pumpkin. Since you already have issues with bright orange substances (witness the great pumpkin/carrot soup fiasco from late in your pregnancy), call the pediatrician to make sure you shouldn't worry. The nurse will pass you over to a doctor, ostensibly because she believes you need the reassurance, but really because he'll never believe her if he doesn't hear the question straight from you. He won't even pretend not to laugh as he talks to you. (We're sure it's been posted on a staff-only bulletin board.)

five days of baby

She's so beautiful. :)

Today she is 5 days old and we had her first doctor's visit. We went to the pediatricians recommended by Liz & Tom, and we actually met with Kris (RNP, lactation consultant). Jacqui has lost a little weight, but not enough to cause concern -- her birth weight was 8 lbs 10 oz; her discharge weight was 8 lbs 2 oz; today she weighed 8 lbs. We're going back on Wednesday for another weigh-in. She also had her Hep. B vaccine, and they took blood for another billirubin test -- she's a little jaundiced, but not enough to send her in for treatment.

One of the reasons she's lost weight is because we've been having some breast-feeding issues. She did beautifully her first 2 days in the hospital. Then a well-intentioned nurse gave her formula in a bottle ... then a well-intentioned volunteer did the same ... then it was pretty much all downhill. Last night was HORRIBLE. She refused to breast-feed (and when I say "refused", I don't mean she politely turned it down), I was swollen and painful, we ended up giving her a bottle (as we've had to do for the past several days) because the kid's gotta eat. :( It was frustrating and horrible and I can understand how a lot of mothers would've given up.

Fortunately, Geoff had made today's appointment last Friday. And right now I can tell you: everything is GOOD. :D

With the help of a syringe/tube setup, right there in the office we got past the immediate-gratification issue. And by using a nipple-shield (twice; tonight we didn't need it at all), we got past the "I hate your left breast" syndrome. (And I can go into more detail about either of these things; I don't think most folks are really interested in the mechanics of it though.)

And twice tonight she's nursed as happily as she did those first two days in the hospital. I am the happiest mommy in the whole world! :D

We also bought an electric breast pump. I had tried using my little hand-pump, but the ghost of RSI past came to visit, and there was the possibility I'd be pumping a LOT if she really wouldn't nurse. (We thought about renting one, but it's nice to have my very own.) This afternoon I pumped after she was finished nursing, to get myself back into a non-granite state ... now I'm fine for a while, and we have a bit of milk in the fridge for her if she should need it in the syringe in the next couple of days.

Amusing moment:
Geoff (on phone with dentist's office): We've just had a baby, and I wonder if you can tell me: What's the earliest I should bring her to see the dentist?
Receptionist: 8 a.m.