How to Amuse Medical Personnel

Method One

While your wife is delivering the baby and you are counting to ten during the "Push" cycles, get some or all of the numbers out of order. (Love my Geoffrey! :)

Method Two

After giving birth (which involves copious amounts of vomit, blood, and other bodily substances), while surgeons are repairing your own internal damage, belch. Be so surprised at this that you automatically exclaim, "Oh! Pardon me!" (It's all in the timing.)

Method Three

After bringing the baby home, notice that her bowel movements have achieved a color VERY similar to canned pumpkin. Since you already have issues with bright orange substances (witness the great pumpkin/carrot soup fiasco from late in your pregnancy), call the pediatrician to make sure you shouldn't worry. The nurse will pass you over to a doctor, ostensibly because she believes you need the reassurance, but really because he'll never believe her if he doesn't hear the question straight from you. He won't even pretend not to laugh as he talks to you. (We're sure it's been posted on a staff-only bulletin board.)